Dear babies

Dear Babies,

Congratulations, you've turned me into a cliche.  After seeing you two on ultrasound yesterday, I found myself writing an email in which I raved about the fact that one of you had hiccups and one of you opened and closed your mouth.  Yeah. I bragged about your involuntary movements. And I won't lie... I considered the possibility that these movements indicate that you are geniuses. The bar is set very low for you to impress me.  You're welcome.

[Your father, on the other hand, is already wondering when you're going to get jobs. He's been teaching the dog tricks to get on a Subway commercial for 2 years now, so don't think you're not going to be put to work pretty quickly.]

Baby girl, here's you opening your mouth and moving your hand towards your face. You.Are.Brilliant.

Baby boy, here's your long arm swatting your sister's face. You're not afraid to take what you want, and I admire that. But stop being a punk to your sister.

Another anomaly caused by your cuteness: I was walking down the smoggy streets of downtown Dallas yesterday, when I realized I was... wait for it... smiling. At no one in particular. I do not walk and smile.  Looking approachable invites people to actually approach you, and -- worse yet -- speak to you. I do not talk to strangers. Neither should you, babies, but for different reasons. But I couldn't help myself from smiling yesterday. You two have done me in with your cuteness.

Updates from the appointment:

• Baby boy is 1 lb 2 oz, and baby girl is 1 lb 1 oz. Baby girl's lengths are average, and baby boy's arms and legs are long. Both of your parents have chicken legs, and your uncle has monkey arms, so I'm not surprised that you might be a little lanky.
• Your circulatory and renal systems are working well. We could see that baby boy's bladder was full, which is good for some reason. It made me wonder where it empties into, and since you're both inside of me... yuck. I don't want to know. 
• You guys are super active, even though I only feel a fraction of what you do. I should mention that the very first time I felt either of you move was during the Missouri-Kansas game on a Saturday night at approximately 20 weeks of pregnancy. It was a close game, with only 2 minutes left, and your dad was cursing emphatically pleading the Tigers to pull their heads out of their asses get it together, which I think had my blood pressure up, and one of you moved in a way that I felt. The Tigers then won the game, and your dad, by some superstitious invention, believes that you guys helped them win the game.
• We looked further into the scheduled c-section versus vaginal delivery issue. Because there are two of you, c-section looks like the way to go. Or rather, I wasn't enticed by the doctor's phrasing of "unless you're passionate about a long, painful, vaginal twin delivery with possible complications." You had me at long and painful, doc. 

I'll take a picture of my silhouette before the belly's too exploded. We're on the verge of belly-button-popping-out, which is pretty sick, but I don't even care because I'm baking two genius babies.  

Pregnancy questions

I've always heard that pregnant women get asked personal questions, but I'm just now getting to hear some first hand. I'm not offended, even if I sometimes have a snarky answer. (I'm just snarky by nature.)  I'm happy to be pregnant, and I'd rather be fielding these questions than "so do you think you'll ever have kids?" (Come to think of it, people are just nosy, regardless of whether you're pregnant.)

Yesterday after I gave sexual harassment training to some manufacturing workers, I closed with the usual, "does anyone have any questions?" Ah, good, we have a question! After watching people sleep through my presentation, I was thrilled! Yes, what's your question?! "How many months along are you?" I suppose that was my fault for being ambiguous. In the future, I will close with "does anyone have any questions about sexual harassment." I thought it was implied, but apparently not.

The twin situation brings up some unique questions. The Vietnamese nail salon owner who gave me a pedicure a couple of weeks ago asked: "what if they look the same and they try to confuse you about who is who?" Huh. I was tempted to joke, "what, because you think all white kids look the same?" but decided that things are sometimes funnier in my head than they are when I say them out loud. 

I've been asked if I was hoping for twins. I gather the true question is, "did you have two fertilized eggs implanted in your uterus via in vitro fertilization, resulting in a higher likelihood of twins?" To which my response is, "No, but enough about me. I'm interested in how you conceived your child!"

The people who have been the most fascinated about my pregnancy so far have been the other preggo ladies at my prenatal aquatics class. They ask the questions that make me most anxious like, "how premature are twins usually?" and "what's the average birth weight of twins?"  Cuts to the core of my concerns over my munchkins' health.

I should probably just make stuff up. My husband taught me that if you preface anything with the phrase "Harvard studies show," people blindly accept your assertions. For example, Harvard studies show that twins born to women in their 30s score on average 10 IQ points higher than singletons born to women in their 20s who ask too many questions in prenatal aquatics classes. I don't know if this trick works with other Ivy League schools. You're welcome to try. (Just not Cornell. People will dispute Cornell studies. At least I would.)

I'm sure there will be many more questions and eventually some belly-petting as well. It's all pretty amusing, and I'm trying to take it in stride and just enjoy this pregnancy, since it will likely be my one and only.